I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
