we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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