How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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