The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
