well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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