I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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