I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
