you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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