Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
