1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
