im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
