Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
