Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
