It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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