genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
