i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
