wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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