I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
