Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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