He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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