I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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