k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
