I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
