you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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