Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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