I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
