Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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