We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
