I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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