i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
