no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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