Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
