You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
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