I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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