you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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