Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
