the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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