he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
