This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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