are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
