I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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