i wish my penis had a tongue
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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