What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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