I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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