this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
