my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
