i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
