Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
