Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
