I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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