I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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