I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It was confusing and full of hummus
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
