Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
