He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
