Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
