I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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