I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
people are starting to question the shark bite story
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
