i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize