My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
