these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
