I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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