So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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