you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
