she looked like the before picture.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
