Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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