We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
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Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
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Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize