You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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