when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
