and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
