There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
