we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
high people should be assigned attendants
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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