My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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