Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
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I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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