Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
