I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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