I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
