There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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