I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
