He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
