dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
