is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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