God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
