we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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