maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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