I cockslap morals
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
